


stuck on your heart

by highly_caffeinated



Category: Rocketman (2019), Rocketman (2019) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Injury, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, parties used as grand gestures, reminiscing about filming, stressing about everything, the costumes from the movie will also make an appearance, the three of them have a group chat where they send memes to each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:27:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highly_caffeinated/pseuds/highly_caffeinated
Summary: Amazing life... CheckPerfect boyfriend... CheckGetting hurt because you're trying to impress said boyfriend while on a date... CheckTaron feels intensely. He always has. It's part of what makes him who he is. He's seen the good things that feeling intensely has given him over the past year, but there also may be a downside as well, and he's about to find out what it is
Relationships: David Furnish/Elton John, Jamie Bell & Richard Madden, Jamie Bell & Taron Egerton, Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. heavy in your arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Monalisasandmadhatters20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monalisasandmadhatters20/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been in my head for the past few weeks and now that I’m out of the hospital I have a lot of free time to actually write it
> 
> ~as always, this is a work of fiction~

“I don’t know why you thought it would be a good idea to try and jump down from there,” Richard groaned, shaking his head at the other man as they sat waiting in the emergency room. “I mean, you should have known that you would get hurt.” Taron turned toward him, a frown plastered on his face. His fists were clenched, though Richard assumed that it was more from the pain than any actual anger.

“How was I supposed to know that—”

“Taron?” one of the nurses asked, looking up from her clipboard. He raised his hand a little and she smiled before making her way over to the pair with a wheelchair. Richard stood to help him, whispering an apology when he heard the younger man whimper quietly.

“He’s gonna be okay, right?” he asked, looking at the nurse. She nodded quickly.

“I’ll be fine, Dickie,” he said, sighing dramatically and laughing. “No need to worry.” He gave Richard one last weak smile before he was being pushed through the doors and into an exam room. She helped him out of the chair and over to the table, muttering a quick apology when his foot knocked into the side of it and he winced in pain.

“The doctor should be in to see you in a few minutes, okay?” He nodded and she gave him a small smile before leaving.

He had been alone in the room for only a couple of minutes when he heard a knock on the door and a man who he assumed was the doctor walked in. “Taron, right?" the man asked, offering him his hand to shake. Taron nodded quickly. "I’m Dr. Parker.”

“Hi,” he said awkwardly, shaking his hand. The man sat in a chair and put on a pair of gloves before gesturing for Taron to lift his leg a little. 

“So, how did this happen?” he asked as he began looking at Taron’s ankle. He ran his fingers along the bones, trying to feel for anything that may be broken.

“I was being stupid,” he laughed weakly before wincing in pain and sighing. “We were hiking and I tried to jump down from this one ledge, but I landed weirdly on some rocks.” The other man raised an eyebrow at him. “In my defense, though, it didn’t look like that large of a drop.”

The doctor held his ankle and bent his foot a little bit and Taron hissed as a sharp pain shot through his leg. “That hurt?” He nodded quickly, wincing as the man continued prodding at his ankle. 

After what felt like forever (but was actually only a few minutes), he set Taron's leg down and moved to type something on the computer. “So, we’re gonna take an X-Ray of your ankle and then get you all fixed up, sound good?”

“Yeah, okay."

*****

“Are the two of you at home together right now?” Jamie asked during a video call with Taron, Richard, David, and Elton a couple of weeks later.

“We’re actually sitting right next to each other,” he said, putting his laptop on the coffee table and nudging Richard. The other man just shook his head and turned his own computer so that both of their faces could be seen. “See?” He waved at the screen and Jamie rolled his eyes.

“Why didn’t you just use one computer, then?”

“He didn’t want to have to share the screen with me the whole time,” Richard said lightly as he tried to turn the laptop more towards himself, stopping when his boyfriend swatted at his arm and moved it back. 

“That sounds like something you would’ve said when you were his age,” David laughed, looking over at his husband sitting next to him. 

“Well, I mean… He did play me in the—"

“I don’t like having to sit so far back when there’s multiple people on the screen,” Taron cut in, groaning and throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I haven’t really put as much effort into my appearance lately and you all don’t need to see that.” Richard nudged him out of the way a little.

“He’s been wearing sweats every day for the past few weeks. I think all of his jeans are dirty and he’s just been too lazy to wash them.” He paused when he smelled something burning and he glanced at Taron. “Did you remember to take the food out of the oven?”

“Shit,” he hissed, getting off the sofa, grabbing his cane, and limping into the kitchen. Richard ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“How's he been doing?” Elton asked worriedly, fixing Richard with an intense stare.

“I think he’s starting to lose his shit a little bit,” Richard responded as soon as he was sure that the other man was out of ear shot.

"What do you mean?" David cut in.

“He just… He feels bad that he can’t really do much right now.” He paused when he heard a sound coming from the kitchen. "I mean... I've been letting him do a few small things around here since he got his cast off a couple of days ago and started using a walking boot, but he just—I don’t know—seems so miserable."

*****

It was just past 6 in the morning, yet Taron had been awake for a few hours already. He had spent a majority of the night lying awake in bed, completely trapped in his thoughts. It had been like that pretty much every night for the past week and it was killing him. He really needed to talk to someone and, while he knew Richard would be willing to listen, he felt bad waking him up just for this. His boyfriend had already done so much for him recently and Taron didn’t want to add to his stress, so he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and sent a quick text to Elton, hoping that he was awake.

 _Do you have a minute to talk?_ The response was almost immediate.

_Give me just a moment._

He got out of bed as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake the man sleeping next to him. He really didn’t feel like putting his walking boot on just yet, so he got a pair of slippers and grabbed his computer before leaving his and Richard’s bedroom. He quickly realized his mistake, though, when he tried to put weight on his ankle and let out a gasp as pain shot through his entire leg. He covered his mouth to keep himself from crying out as he collapsed back on the bed. He was grateful that none of this had woken his boyfriend up as he grabbed his crutches and slowly made his way into the guest room. 

“A little early for a phone call, isn’t it?” Elton laughed as soon as his face appeared on Taron’s computer screen.

“Yeah, uh… Sorry about that,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. The other man just waved him off.

“No worries. You know I’m always here to chat when you need to.” He paused when he saw the look on the other man’s face. “What’s going on?” Taron took a deep breath before sighing.

“You would tell me the truth even if it hurt my feelings, right?” Elton raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Is this about what you did to your hair right after we finished filming because, honestly, I didn’t think it looked that bad.” Taron shook his head quickly. “Okay, well… What’s bothering you, then?”

“Do you think I’m useless?” he asked, voice almost inaudible. 

“Oh, Taron,” he sighed, shaking his head sadly. “What makes you think you’re useless?” He shrugged before shifting in discomfort when his ankle started hurting again.

“I don’t know. I just…” he took a deep breath, “I can’t do anything right now and it makes me feel like such a burden. My sisters keep asking when I’m going to actually come and visit them and Richard has been having to do everything lately and I just… I don’t know…” he trailed off. Elton just sighed again.

“I promise no one thinks that about you, and you’re going to make yourself sick by stressing about it so much. I know that you have a tendency to put everyone else’s needs before your own, but you need to make sure you remember to take care of yourself as well.” Taron looked at him warily. “Look, why don’t you get something to eat and try to sleep some more, and then let me know how you’re doing later on today.”

*****

Richard groaned when he heard someone bang on the door to their flat later that morning. He quickly closed the door to the guest room, hoping that his boyfriend would be able to get at least a little more sleep, before making his way to the door, pulling it open, and stopping when he saw who it was. “David,” he said, the surprise clear on his face as he let the man inside. “What are you doing here?”

“Where’s Taron?” Richard pointed to the guest bedroom.

“He fell asleep a few hours ago.”

“Oh, good,” he said, looking around the room. “Elton was a little worried after he spoke to him this morning.”

“Yeah, he’s had a rough couple of weeks,” he chuckled weakly.

“That’s actually why I’m here,” David said, running a hand through his hair. “Elton and I know that things have been kind of stressful for you both as of late, so we thought that maybe you both would want to come spend a few days with us.” Richard raised an eyebrow.

“I’m assuming we don’t have a choice in the matter?” he asked, laughing when he saw the other man shake his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this story isn't gonna be as angsty as some of my previous stories have been, mainly because I have a really cute ending planned out. there will still be some angst present because, honestly, I can't help myself, but it's not gonna be as heavy.
> 
> as always, hope you all enjoy


	2. on my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things have been really hard lately. i tried. hope you all enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think in the comments

“If we’re planning on leaving now, do you mind waking him up?” Richard asked, making his way to his and Taron’s room. “I’m gonna go pack a few things.” David nodded and walked over to the other room, opening the door slowly and looking inside.

“Taron,” he whispered, shaking the younger man’s shoulder gently, “you need to wake up.”

“No,” he groaned, swatting weakly at his hand.

Richard poked his head into the room and shook his head when he saw his boyfriend still in bed. “Still asleep?” he asked and David nodded. He sighed before making his way over to the bed and laying down next to his boyfriend. “Come on, Taron,” he whispered, caressing his cheek gently, “it’s time to get up.”

“Dickie,” he groaned, shaking his head, “m’trying to sleep.” Richard laughed quietly before kissing him lightly on the lips. Taron smiled into the kiss, slowly opening his eyes and hitting his head against the headboard when he saw David standing behind his boyfriend. “Shit,” he hissed, holding the back of his head and squeezing his eyes shut. “David, what are you doing here?”

“He and Elton invited us over.” Taron raised an eyebrow.

“And we’re leaving now?” he asked, looking between the two men as he continued rubbing his head. Both men nodded and he sighed, slowly getting himself out of bed and throwing a jacket on.

“Well, uh… If you’re both ready, we can probably get going.” Both men nodded and, with that, the three of them made their way out of the building and into David’s car.

“So what exactly is happening?” Taron asked as David pulled into his and Elton’s driveway.

“We thought it would be nice for the two of you to come and spend the weekend,” David said, looking at Taron in the rearview mirror as he turned the car off. “Plus, Jamie is going to be in town in a couple of days and I thought the five of us could have lunch together.”

“Hm,” he mumbled, “that’s nice.”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Richard added.

“Elton is going to be so happy to see both of you,” he smiled at Taron and Richard. “He should be home soon, so feel free to make yourselves comfortable.”

“Do you mind helping me up to the bedroom?” he asked, looking over at his boyfriend. “I think I want to just lay down for a bit.” Richard nodded quickly and the two of them made their way upstairs. By the time they made it to the bedroom, Taron was more worn out than he would care to admit, but he waited until Richard left the room before he covered his eyes, groaned loudly, and slid to the ground. He wasn’t quite sure how long he had been sitting on the floor when he heard someone enter the bedroom.

“What are you doing on the floor?” Elton asked suddenly, looking at him in concern. Taron didn’t respond, just wrapped his arms tightly around himself. “Hey,” he sighed, closing the door gently and coming to sit next to him on the floor, “it’s gonna be okay.” Taron shook his head and Elton sighed again. “Do you want me to get Richard for you?” He just shook his head again before putting it in his hands and groaning.

“You know the scene where Jamie and I are at the restaurant and where I yell at him to stop being dramatic when he walks out?” Elton nodded. “Well… I think it should have been Jamie yelling at _me_ to stop being so dramatic instead.”

“You’re not dramatic, Taron,” he chuckled, shaking his head and putting an arm around his shoulders.

“That’s debatable.”

He had gotten so close to the older man over the past year and a half and truly felt like he could tell him anything. He knew Elton would never judge him for how he was feeling, but there was still a part of him that just felt like he was overreacting. “I don’t know,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “maybe I’m just being stupid.”

“Now you know that’s not true,” Elton said, fixing him with an intense stare.

“Yeah, but—”

“Taron,” he started, cutting the younger man off, “how you’re feeling isn’t stupid.” When he didn’t respond, Elton just sighed and slowly got to his feet. “Okay, well… Do you need help or anything?” Taron just waved him off.

“No no, I’ve got it.” Elton looked unsure. “Actually,” he started, “could you bring me the bottle of painkillers from the vanity?” He nodded, getting the bottle and handing it to him. “Thanks.”

“Is there anything else you need?” Taron shook his head.

“You can go ahead, I’ll meet you all down there in a minute.”

*****

Richard stood in the hallway the next morning, trying to build up the courage to knock on the man’s door. He didn’t really know why he was hesitant; it’s not like he and Elton had never spoken before. So he took a deep breath and right as he was about to knock, the door whipped open.

“Richard,” he said, putting a hand on his chest, “you scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously.

“What are you doing just standing in the hallway?”

“I was wondering if you and I could talk?” Elton stared at him for a moment before he nodded and gestured for Richard to come in.

“Is something the matter?”

“It’s Taron,” he whispered, looking around as though afraid the man in question would overhear him. Elton raised an eyebrow in confusion, so Richard continued. “I want to do something nice for him since, you know, he’s been having such a rough time lately.” Elton nodded in understanding. “So I was hoping that you could help me plan something for him?” 

Meanwhile, while Richard was discussing plans with Elton, Taron was left in their room reading over the note his boyfriend had left for him this morning:

_Went to pick some stuff up at the store._

_Will see you later._

_-Rich_

“Why would he need to go to the store?” he asked himself, staring at the note he had found on the bedside table when he woke up. “We don’t even live here.” He sighed heavily, wondering what the other man was up to, and slowly got himself out of bed to make his way downstairs. 

“Taron,” David said happily when the younger man entered the kitchen. “You’re up!” Taron nodded, sitting in the seat across from him. “Can I get you some food or something?”

Taron shook his head. “No thanks.”

“Are you sure?” he asked worriedly. “You missed breakfast.”

“Yeah. I’m not really hungry.” He stared down at his hands for a minute. “Actually… Can we talk?”

“Sure,” he said, nodding a little. “What’s up?”

“So I know you guys are having a party and I was—”

“Wait,” he held up a hand, cutting him off, “how do you know about that?”

“Oh, uh… Elton told me last night that the two of you were planning a party for some of the cast and crew.” David shook his head and groaned.

“Wow, okay… The man literally can’t keep a secret to save his life.”

“I think he was just excited about it.” David nodded. “Anyway… I really want to do something nice for Richard and was hoping that you could possibly help?”

*****

“I am not useless.”

“I am good enough just the way I am.”

“I have a lot of people who care about me.”

He mumbled these over and over as he stared at himself in the mirror, hoping that maybe it would help him actually believe it. He didn’t understand why he was having a hard time believing these things.

“Hey,” Richard said, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Everything okay?” Taron nodded and turned in his arms, wrapping his own arms around Richard’s neck and kissing him.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he replied with a smile. _Maybe I’ll actually believe that one day_ , he thought to himself before kissing Richard one more time and climbing into bed.

“I can’t believe you told Taron about the cast party,” David laughed as he and Elton got ready for bed. “I thought it was supposed to be a secret.”

“Yes, well,” he sighed, “you know how I get, darling…” he trailed off, looking over at his husband with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” David asked, staring at him in confusion.

“How did you know I told Taron about the party?”


	3. next to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *so for the purposes of this story, everyone lives in somewhat close proximity to each other*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. things have been kind of rocky lately since a family friend died last month and so it was hard to write this. i'm not really sure how quickly this story will continue to be updated, so i'm sorry in advance if it takes a little while. i tried, though, so i hope you all like it. and feel free to let me know what you think in the comments

“This is amazing,” Richard said as he and Elton sat looking through all of the outfits. “He’s gonna flip out when he sees it.”

“You can pick three things,” Julian reminded, pointing a finger at the two men, “and that’s it for right now.”

“Wow, much more generous now than you were back when Taron asked if he could keep the ‘Tiny Dancer’ jacket,” Elton laughed. Julian just rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to Richard.

“When you made the costumes, did you have anything left over?”

“Uh… Yeah,” he replied, not really sure where the other man was going with this.

“Okay, so… What if I told you that I didn’t want to give him any of the outfits as a gift?” he asked, looking back and forth between the two men and laughing nervously when they both looked at him like he’d gone crazy. “I know this probably sounds really crazy, but I was thinking that we could maybe take the leftover material from the costumes and use it to make a blanket or something. You know, like the ones where you give them all of the pictures and they print it on the fabric.”

“Yeah… I don’t think so,” Julian sighed, shaking his head at both men.

*****

“I feel like this shouldn’t be so difficult,” Taron sighed, taking a sip of his tea as he and David ate lunch. “Why is it so difficult?”

“I don’t know, Taron.”

“He’s my boyfriend, I should easily be able to come up with something nice for him.” He poked at his food angrily and David put a comforting hand on his arm.

“Taron,” he said gently, “try and calm down a little before you mutilate your food any more than you already have.” He looked down at his plate for a minute before putting his fork down with a huff.

“I’m actually not that hungry right now. And besides, I swear I’ve gained like ten pounds since Richard and I got here,” he groaned as he picked his fork back up and started pushing the food around on his plate. David just stared at him. “What?”

“Is that a joke?”

“What are you talking about?” He raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Is what a joke?”

“Taron,” he sighed, “you’ve barely eaten anything since you and Richard got here.”

“Yeah, well… I can’t really workout until my ankle heals, so…” he trailed off, shrugging. David continued staring at him.

“It’s still important that you eat enough and keep yourself healthy.”

“Yeah… I guess,” Taron sighed. He stared at his half-eaten plate of food for a few more minutes before deciding that he just wasn’t in an ‘eating mood’ and excusing himself to his and Richard’s room to lie down. He had just finished changing into something more comfortable when he heard the door open. “Hey,” Taron said, face breaking into a smile when he saw the other man enter the room. “Where have you been all day?” Richard didn’t say anything, instead making his way over and kissing him deeply. Taron smiled into the kiss before eventually pulling away when he felt his boyfriend start to laugh. “What?”

“I’m not a creative person,” he chuckled, sitting on the bed. Taron raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Okay,” he started, not quite sure where the other man was going with this, “but what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well… You remember how Elton and David told us that Jamie was coming over for lunch?” Taron nodded. "Well, it turns out that they're actually planning a party for some of the cast and crew," he paused when he saw his boyfriend nod again. "So, I wanted to do something nice for you since I know you’ve been having a hard time lately—"

“You really don’t need to do that,” he cut in. “I mean it. You’ve already done so much for me.” Richard just shook his head and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“Anyway… As I was saying,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck, “Elton and I went to see Julian this morning and I thought it would be cute to make a blanket out of some of the costume material left over from the movie…” he trailed off when he heard the other man burst out laughing.

“Oh my god,” he said, quickly covering his mouth to try and stifle his laughter. “That’s so adorable.”

“Yeah, well… It ended up not being a very good idea, so now tomorrow is going to be completely uneventful.”

“I doubt it. You being here already makes it eventful enough for me.” He ran a hand along Richard’s thigh and the man let out a shaky breath. “Wait!” he shouted suddenly, hitting his boyfriend’s arm lightly. “What if, instead of lunch, we tell them to come for breakfast?” Richard raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why breakfast?” he asked, staring at the other man in confusion. Taron just sighed dramatically and swatted at his arm again.

“Because, _Dickie_ , breakfast is fucking amazing.”

“I mean… You’re not wrong,” he laughed, kissing Taron one last time before going into the bathroom to shower.

*****

“I know what we can do for Taron,” Richard said as he took a seat next to Elton on the sofa.

“Really?” he asked, placing his cup of tea on the coffee table and turning to face him. “What did you have in mind?”

“Okay, so I know it’s kind of last minute, but we could tell Jamie, Bryce, Dexter, and Bernie to come for breakfast tomorrow instead of lunch.” Elton raised an eyebrow. “Or another option is to just not have anyone over at all since, you know… He’s been in a bit of a weird mood lately and I feel like he just—I don’t know—has these periods where he gets really distant and—"

“I thought the whole reason you wanted to do something for him was because he’s been having a hard time?”

“I know,” he sighed, “it’s just… He told me that he wants to do something nice for me too but he’s having a hard time coming up with something that he feels is good enough.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. “I just don’t want him to feel bad about it.”

“I could always try and talk to him. Try and see if anything’s wrong.”

“Really?” Elton nodded. “That’d be great, actually. Just don’t—you know—make it too obvious that you’re trying to find out what’s wrong. Try to be subtle about it.”


	4. drowning in the past

Richard smiled slightly to himself when he returned to their room and saw his boyfriend curled up on the bed, fast asleep. He made his way over and crouched down next to where Taron’s head was laying, gently caressing his cheek and smiling when his eyes fluttered open. “Hi,” he chuckled, watching as the other man sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I'm glad we didn't hit each other in the head this time." He nodded a little and gave Richard a weak (and most likely forced) smile in response before letting himself be pulled in for a kiss. 

“Hey,” he started, pulling away from the kiss and looking hesitantly up at his boyfriend. “Can I, uh… Can I ask you something?” Richard raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly, waiting for the other man to continue. Taron just sat there, though, biting his lip nervously, and Richard could feel himself becoming more worried the longer his boyfriend went without speaking.

“Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” he paused, attempting to gather his thoughts, “I just… Do you like the way I look?”

“What?” he asked, completely caught off guard by Taron’s question. “Why wouldn’t I?” He just shrugged in response. He couldn’t—no, wouldn’t—tell Richard the real reason… Not now, at least. He wouldn’t understand. He knew his boyfriend would just continue asking him, though, so he pulled him in for another kiss and nudged him until he was sitting on the bed. Shirts were thrown to the floor and Richard pulled Taron back onto the bed, laughing lightly as the younger man landed on top of him before quickly recaptured his boyfriend’s lips with his own. “The way you look doesn’t matter to me,” he whispered as he trailed kisses along the other man’s jaw. “I just want you.” He moved to kiss his neck. “All of you.”

“But,” he sighed, nipping at Richard’s ear and smirking when he heard him hiss lightly.

“Actually,” he started, pausing when Taron stopped kissing his neck and started pulling away. Richard noted that he looked like he was about to cry. “I could do without the boot, love.” He smiled at Taron and went to kiss his cheek, but he just pulled away more. Richard just whined quietly before moving to trail kisses along his collarbones. “Being kicked by that thing tends to really kill the vibe.”

He stared at Richard for a minute before starting to laugh. “You’re awful, you know that?” He swatted lightly at his arm. “Here I was thinking that you were going to say you didn’t want me anymore,” he paused, poking Richard’s chest a few times, “when all you were planning on saying was that I shouldn’t wear the boot when we make out.”

Taron pulled away even more. “You know what would be terrifying, though?” Richard just grunted in response and pulled him in for another kiss. “If either Elton or David walked in on us.” That nightmare was soon brought to reality when the two men heard Elton knock on their door. Richard yelped, throwing Taron off of him. He hit the ground, groaning as his head collided with something hard. “Shit,” he hissed, feeling blood drip from his nose.

“Taron?” Elton asked from outside, knocking again. When he got no response, he opened the door and walked in, stopping in his tracks when he saw Richard laying on the bed in just his pants and Taron sitting on the floor holding a tissue to his bleeding nose. Richard quickly threw his shirt back on, never once taking his eyes off of the older man. “I just ruined a moment, didn’t I?” Both men stared at him before nodding slowly. “Okay, well… I was gonna ask Taron if he and I could talk, but I can come back later if—"

“No, it’s fine,” he said quietly, throwing the bloody tissue in the trash bin and walking to the door. “We can talk now.” Richard let his gaze drift between the two men as he watched them leave the room, his worry growing with each passing second.

“Are you feeling okay?” Elton asked as soon as the two of them were alone, a worried look on his face. Taron raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yeah,” he replied awkwardly, “why wouldn’t I be?” The older man didn’t look convinced.

“You just haven’t really seemed like yourself lately.” Taron put his head in his hands and sighed heavily.

“I don’t wanna say it,” he mumbled into his hands.

“Why not?”

“It’s awful,” he whined, lifting his head up and looking over at the other man. Elton sighed and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sure it’s not.” Taron shook his head quickly. “Okay, well… Why do you think it’s awful?” He didn’t say anything, instead looking down at his lap and fidgeting with the watch he was wearing.

He was quiet for a few minutes before he finally whispered, “I don’t want Richard to leave me.” His voice was so quiet that Elton almost missed what the other man said.

“Taron,” he sighed, “look at me.” The younger man slowly met his gaze and Elton’s face softened when he saw how upset he looked. “What could possibly make you think that he would leave you?”

“Because I’m not good enough.”

“For Richard?”

“For anyone,” he whined. “I’m not good enough for anyone.”

Now Elton considered himself to be someone who gave decent advice. Dealing with his own struggles had made it easier for him to talk to people about the things they were struggling with. Yet, for some reason, he didn’t know what to say to the man sitting next to him. He tried to think of something, anything, that would be good. He couldn’t, though, so he just decided that it would be best if they took a break for a little while.

“Well dinner should be done by now, so why don’t we head downstairs?” Taron just stared at him. “Maybe eating something will help you feel better.” One thing he had learned about Taron since they met was that food was typically an excellent motivator for him. Which is why, when Taron immediately rushed out of the room and down the hallway, he was completely taken aback.

“I’m not hungry,” he snapped before retreating back to his and Richard’s bedroom and locking the door behind him.

*****

“What do you mean he’s not coming down?” Richard asked when Elton told him of his boyfriend’s refusal to come to dinner.

“He said he wasn’t hungry and then he went and locked himself in the bedroom.” He placed a hand on Richard’s shoulder. “He’s clearly upset about something, but I think it would probably be best if you talked—” He didn’t even finish his sentence before Richard was running up the stairs to his and Taron’s room.

“Taron,” Richard sighed as he knocked on the bedroom door, “come on. Please open the door.” The only response was the sound of his boyfriend sniffling. “I just want to talk.” There were a few moments of silence before he finally heard Taron unlock and open the door. Richard frowned when he noticed his bloodshot eyes and he reached a hand out to wipe away a few of his tears. “What’s going on, T?” At this, Taron just shook his head as more tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Why do you want to be with me?” he asked after a minute, voice barely audible. Richard raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“What?”

“What could you possibly see in me?” Richard still didn’t get where the other man was going with this. “I’m awkward and emotional and I tear up whenever anyone does anything even remotely nice for me. And on top of all that, I can’t even come up with nice things to do for you.”

“Taron, I—”

“And, I mean,” he cut Richard off, gesturing vaguely to himself, “I haven’t worked out since before I broke my ankle so it’s not like my body’s doing me any favors right now.” He laughed bitterly to himself. “I’m pathetic.”

“Hey,” he said gently, taking both of Taron’s hands in his and interlacing their fingers. “You are not pathetic.”

“Yes I am,” he sighed. “You’ve done so much for me, especially over the past couple of weeks, and I just—I don’t know—feel like I contribute nothing to our relationship.”

“That’s not true.” Taron just shook his head. “Okay, so… Maybe you’re not doing a lot at this _exact_ moment, but who cares? You’re hurt, love, which means your main priority needs to be taking care of yourself.” Richard kissed him lightly on the cheek and frowned when he saw the forced smile on the other man’s face. “Now, how about you and I go and have some dinner?”

“m’not hungry,” he mumbled quietly, pulling away from his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around himself as tightly as he could. “I think I’d rather just go to sleep if that’s okay.” Richard nodded slowly, a worried look on his face.

“Yeah. Just, uh… Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Taron nodded once and Richard shot him one last worried look before heading back downstairs to finish his dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is sort of all over the place and has been really hard to write. i originally started working on this because i needed something to keep myself busy while i was in the hospital, but now i feel like it's sort of hitting a dead end. i want to write something that you all like, and i'm starting to get worried that that isn't happening because i'm having such a hard time getting anything written.  
> anyway, please enjoy and feel free to let me know in the comments if you like the story.


	5. at least it was here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been almost 6 months since this has been updated. I had the first half of this chapter written at the end of August, but then life™️ happened and a friend of mine died recently and now... here we are.
> 
> anyway... I absolutely hate leaving things unfinished and it was really starting to bother me that I have things on my account that are just… sitting there incomplete. so now I'm gonna hopefully try and finish them.

Jamie had been to Elton and David’s house of couple of times and, yet, it never failed to absolutely amaze him. Everything about the place was perfect, and he wandered around for a few minutes before spotting Richard in the sitting room and making his way over there. “Where’s Taron?” Jamie asked, looking around the room when he noticed that the other man wasn’t there. Richard shrugged.

“I think he’s still asleep.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, well… I haven’t seen him since I woke up a few hours ago.” Jamie raised an eyebrow. “I wanted to get a run in before everyone got here.”

“I guess I’ll go check on him, then.” He saw Richard nod once in response before he decided to head upstairs and check on his friend. Jamie called his name a couple of times to try and get his attention, eventually just walking into the room when he got no response.

In hindsight, he probably should have done a better job of announcing his presence; it would have saved both men a lot of embarrassment.

Taron had just unwrapped the towel from around his waist when he heard someone call his name, pausing the music on his phone and turning around to see who it was. “Shit, Jamie,” he snapped when he saw the other man, immediately grabbing the towel and wrapping it around himself again. “What are you doing in here?”

“I came to see if you were awake.”

“It’s almost twelve,” he started, eyebrow raised in confusion, “why wouldn’t I be up?”

“I don’t know!” he shouted, face growing red in embarrassment. “Richard seemed to think that you would still be sleeping.” The other man shook his head. “And I’m sorry, but could you maybe—I don’t know—put clothes on? Because I’d really rather not have this conversation with you while you’re naked.” Taron laughed and gestured to the jeans sitting near the sink.

“Mind handing me those, then?” he asked, and Jamie nodded before grabbing the pants and tossing them to his friend.

“So… How have you been doing?”

“You know… Just trying to get a handle on things. The first couple of weeks after it happened were awful.” Jamie nodded in understanding. “I lost a little weight during the first week or so because of the pain meds,” he paused so that he could focus on getting his ankle through his pant leg, “but I gained all of it back—and then some—pretty quickly once I stopped taking them, though.”

“Well you look fine.” Taron wrinkled his nose at that and Jamie nudged him a few times. “I mean it!”

“Yeah, yeah… Of course you do,” he replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Jamie. “While I may look fine to you, I definitely don’t feel it, so I’m gonna need you to help me with the stairs.” Jamie just laughed a little before pulling him up and helping him out of the room.

“What’s up with you?” Richard asked, raising an eyebrow at the other men when he saw them come downstairs.

“He saw me naked,” Taron laughed, patting Jamie on the back a couple of times. “I think he may be scarred for life now.”

“Who’s scarred for life?” they heard someone ask, and they turned to see Bernie leaving the kitchen.

“Jamie is,” he laughed, giving the older man a quick one-armed hug. “He came upstairs a little while ago and saw m—” he was cut off when Jamie slapped his arm, effectively shutting him up.

“What are you four talking about?” Elton asked, eyebrow raised in confusion as he, Dexter, and Bryce joined the group.

“Well, apparently Taron did something and now Jamie is scarred for life because of it," Bernie answered, gesturing between the two men. Taron was about to respond when he noticed Bryce walking toward him.

“Oh Taron,” she started, wrapping him in a hug as soon as she saw him, “David told me about what happened.” At this, Richard started laughing, though he quickly tried to mask it when he caught sight of the look his boyfriend gave him. “Are you all right?”

“I’m okay,” he replied, laughing weakly and giving (what he hoped was) a convincing smile. He felt kind of bad about lying to his friend, but he wasn’t sure if this was something that he wanted everyone to know about. _And really, it’s technically only half of a lie, so that’s not as bad… right?_ he thought to himself as he moved to stand next to Richard, sighing as he leaned his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“You good?” he asked, expression growing concerned when his boyfriend didn’t respond. He nudged him a little to get his attention.

“I think I need to sit down,” he finally responded, chuckling a little in an attempt to hide his wince as a sharp pain shot through his leg.

“Do you want me to go and get your pills?” Taron just waved him off.

“No, I’m fine. I’ve just been trying to stand on it for too long.” He looked around a little before noticing that David was missing. “Where’s David?” Elton gestured toward the kitchen.

“He found this recipe online and was just dying to make it for everyone. He's been working on it all morning." As soon as he heard that, Taron grabbed his cane and tugged on Richard's hand.

"Okay, well... I'm pretty sure that's our cue to go and sit down," he started, looking up at his boyfriend, "plus I really want food, so—"

"I'm glad to see that your food priorities are still very much in order, Taron," Dexter laughed, patting his shoulder and following him and Richard into the kitchen. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ highlyycaffeinated


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